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    • Posted by: Richard Salmon
    • Category: Funny Insurance Claims

    Do you have an award-winning arse or is your left knee something of a hero? If so, then why not get it insured? That way if you wake up one morning and your prized feature is a little off you can be comforted by your riches as you cry yourself to sleep.

    Baby It’s Cold Outside


    Tom Jones has apparently insured his chest hair for $7 million. It’s been rumoured he has the world’s largest collection of chest hairs, which he charitably donates to DFS every year to help stuff their sofas.  It’s not unusual but it is disgusting.

    This Is No Bum Deal


    What’s she gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside her trunk? She’s going to insure it of course! This way if someone literally pops a cap in Jenny’s ass while she’s visiting her hometown ‘The Block’, she can afford to get her derriere re-inflated.

    It’s much the same process as sealing up a puncture, all you need is a bike pump and some tape and she’ll be good for a few more tours.

    A Leg Up On The Competition


    Michael Flatley has insured his legs for $47 million, meaning he could go on dancing for ever – or at least until Riverdance stops being cool (you will tell me if this happens won’t you?).  Apparently he goes through 12 pairs of shoes a day, as his legs can’t physically move any slower, no wonder he wears such ugly shoes…

    I Am The Walrus


    Aussie cricketer Merv Hughes has insured his walrus moustache for around £200,000. He probably would have been best off getting pet insurance for that face ferret, and maybe those two caterpillars as well? All I think of when I see a lip scarf like this is what is Merv hiding? There’s definitely space for a Curly Wurly or two in there somewhere…

    I Spy With My Little Lies

    Love it or hate it, the Loch Ness Monster is probably more famous than you and I ever will be, and chances are it’s nothing but a giraffe who escaped from Edinburgh Zoo.  Whisky company Cutty Sark decided to offer a $1.5 million prize to anyone who could capture the beast alive, but sneakily took out insurance to prevent them from ever having to pay it. Y’know, just in case wee Nessie turned out to be more than a welly on a stick.

    The Ever-Flipping Bird

    What do you need to be an ageing rocker? Musical talent, a refusal to let ‘the man’ get you down and a girlfriend young enough to detract from your facial crevasses. With his anarchic attitude, it’s only fitting that Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has his left middle finger insured for over $637,000. He says it’s so he can still play his instruments, but it seems it’s just as frequently used to express his cheekier side… OhKeithy what are you like?

    The Ultimate Contents Insurance


    David Lee Roth of Van Halen fame has taken out the ultimate anti-groupie insurance claim, with $1 million cover for his sperm. Rather than worrying about his love spout running dry, the ‘sex god’ was more concerned that one of them would become lost in a random groupie, which in all honesty could be a hell of a lot more expensive. Apparently vasectomies didn’t exist in the 80s, and neither did the knowledge that his leather pants would have been a lot more effective in reducing his sperm count.